Tuesday 31 January 2012

Hidden

I hid my journal from prying eyes and now I can't find it :( I had so much in there I was saving for my blog and now it's lost. Gah. Now to start from scratch.

Sunday 1 January 2012

Nightmares of the living

I had a dream last night that I was dead.

I'm not sure how I died, but I remember watching my family at the dinner table, with one vacant spot.
Everyone was silent, the food was no longer hot.
Tears fell down my mothers face, my sisters expressions were lost
my father left, to cry in his room.
I followed him, to tell him to worry not; I am okay.

"Hey now, stop crying, it's not so bad, dying"
He didn't hear.
So I said it again, louder, closer to his ear.

I began to get frustrated, I tried to reach out to him but some kind of force stopped me everytime I tried.
I started crying, I wanted to speak to my father. I hated dying.
"IM HERE!" I screamed, over and over. "I'M HERE!"
It seemed he vaguely heard; maybe through some kind of manifestation of will, me trying to get through the barrier of the living and the dead.
But still, he didn't fully hear what his dead daughter said.
Eventually people moved on, and I was left, frozen, forgotten.
I woke up, and I cried and cried,
I realized; I do not want to die.