Hidden

I hid my journal from prying eyes and now I can't find it :( I had so much in there I was saving for my blog and now it's lost. Gah. Now to start from scratch.

Nightmares of the living

I had a dream last night that I was dead.

I'm not sure how I died, but I remember watching my family at the dinner table, with one vacant spot.
Everyone was silent, the food was no longer hot.
Tears fell down my mothers face, my sisters expressions were lost
my father left, to cry in his room.
I followed him, to tell him to worry not; I am okay.

"Hey now, stop crying, it's not so bad, dying"
He didn't hear.
So I said it again, louder, closer to his ear.

I began to get frustrated, I tried to reach out to him but some kind of force stopped me everytime I tried.
I started crying, I wanted to speak to my father. I hated dying.
"IM HERE!" I screamed, over and over. "I'M HERE!"
It seemed he vaguely heard; maybe through some kind of manifestation of will, me trying to get through the barrier of the living and the dead.
But still, he didn't fully hear what his dead daughter said.
Eventually people moved on, and I was left, frozen, forgotten.
I woke up, and I cried and cried,
I realized; I do not want to die.

Illuminate

There is something about the irradescense of light against the endless ebony of the night sky that draws people in.
We are almost obsessed with it; we seek it out.
Fireworks, Christmas lights, light shows.
I wonder. Perhaps this pull has come from an inner human need for hope.
To see luminous light blast from the bottomless abyss of dark, forming beauty in the otherwise mundane black, taps into this, and offers the viewer some level of satisfaction on a subconscious level.

There is always hope in the darkness if only one remembers to turn on the light.

"Bubble gum angels swooped from top margins or scraped their wings between teeming paragraphs, maidens with golden hair dripped sea blue tears into the book's spine."

- Jeffery Eugenides

silk

Seeing it was malevolently satisfying
drip drip drip
It seemed perfect, the way it slid down my arm
It formed an intricate shape, an art form, a web
I gazed upon it; lost. I began to hear the waves.
But then the panic set in.
What if this is it?
What if I mundanely turn into "the depressed girl", "the dead girl"? Is that all I am destined for in this life?
I refused.
I lifted myself up, pressed the wound and declared;
"I am alive"

Puppy love

A love that is young is a love that is doomed.
A love formed so soon
Will end as inevitably as the thread in a loom.
Such pain is useless
Yet utterly addictive
In the end, the cure,
Is to become dismissive and elusive.
Such a waste it is.

School.

I wrote this when I was in high school, quite a while ago. I was going through my old school books when I found it on some lined paper in my maths book, surrounded by pen-drawn intertwining flowers. The writing style isn't amazing, but what can I say, once a dreamer always a dreamer.

I let my head tip back,

And I close my eyes in silence.

I breathe the thick air of the bustling class room.

I hear the drone of the teacher,

the chattering of students,

the clashing of church bells.

I let it fade.

Until I breathe the essence of the forest, it's wild flowers and dew drops.

Until I hear the song of birds,

the wind caressing the trees, the hum of indifferent life.

This is where I long to be,

but I cannot.

For the human race has a hunger and expectation for success.

Fast, greedy, ignorant.

This realisation terminates my escape and tears me back to reality.

- Georgia MacLeod

J'adore!

Burlesque dancer, Zorita, taking her pet snake for a walk. As you do.

Journal Extract

It felt like an inescapable weight in my chest.

Pressing down on my heart.

Pushing down on my spirit.

Oh, how I long for it to fade,

like the fog on a winters morning.

But instead it fills me,

that black sticky mess.

Until it engulfs my very being 

Destroying my will.

Annihilating my soul.

Obliterating my heart.

- Georgia MacLeod

Questions

Is my heart fickle... or afraid?

Do I deny my feelings and ignore them?

Or are they completely non existent?

Is it that I do not want them, 

and do not want related commitments?

Or is it simply a lack of acceptance,  ignorance, and simply will not hear them?

Perhaps, deep down, it is that I merely just fear them.

-Georgia MacLeod

Alone.

HEY SEXIES

Sorry if my posts seem kind of depressive/sad. It's just that when I write, I normally write when I'm emotional and upset because it's a vent for me. Therefore a significant amount of what I write is depressive/sad. I need to start writing when I am happy as well, just to give myself more of a variety and range of writing and not come across as so "emo" in my blog hehe :) I don't want to be one of those sad people with sad hollow thoughts, because deep down I'm not like that at all, I want to be one of those people with an ethereal light that emanates from within and be full of wondrous life.
Fact of the matter is : LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

Love, Georgia.

nothing left

I don't normally post just pictures...

but this is too cute

I wish I could tell you

I wish I could tell you about the dark inside my heart and my brain, 

the endless pull, the way they feel heavy and sodden, 

as though drenched from a torrential rain. 

I wish I could tell you how my bones are weak,

 from all the lives I'm not living weighing down on them. 

Oh, the way they creak.

I wish I could tell you how my expectations have turned to dust

the ones I cherished so fondly in youth.

How hey have melted into the dark, unforgiving dusk

I wish I could tell you.

-Georgia MacLeod

" I'm the fury in your head
  I'm the fury in your bed
  I'm the ghost in the back of your head"

- Foals

Time to rhyme

You cannot understand,

The woes of this persons mind

Take your wretched thoughts and assumptions

and leave them all behind.

Delve into the darkness,

Deep into their mind.

Take on their pain and suffering

You will not like what you find.

You realize you were wrong, in your misguided preconceptions

You see, You see

You see why they cannot shine.

- Georgia MacLeod

Wrote this pretty quickly in a moment of anger, very rhyme-y haha.

A Page in Time

I’m sure you are all aware of the fact that many a book store, such as Borders, are being closed due to the new technologic phenomenon; “E-Readers”. Paper back and hard back books are being replaced by “apps”, in which you can buy books and read them through your E-Reader.

In my opinion, to lose the world of literature to cyber space would be a great tragedy indeed. One may say that literature itself is not lost; it is merely and instead embedded in cyber space. This, in some part may be true. However I believe that literature and reading is much more than just words.

The feel of a book in my hand, the musky smell of its pages, the sound of turning each page; these are just some things that add to the beauty of literature and reading. And the moment of perfect clarity, after smoothing my hand over a closed book cover after I have finished reading it, and placing it back in my bookshelf, snug, amongst the other books. This simple (and to some silly) moment is one of my happiest.  How can anyone get such satisfaction out of pixels on a technologic tablet? Why are we all becoming so futuristic? Stay vintage people. Stay vintage.

- Georgia MacLeod

I recommend anyone read the above book, the same Pride & Prejudice story line, except with gory bone crunching, teeth gnashing zombies!

Dad

My father is a quiet man. He only speaks when necessary and never ever rambles about himself. He is well spoken, and most of what he says is calculated and very well thought out. He is solitary, and does not care one bit for social status or popularity. He does however, care for etiquette and manners, and raised me with the same values; "Georgia stand up straight", "Georgia elbows in at the table".  

One might, at first impression, assume he is feeble; for his manner is modest and inconspicuous. But I know better. I know that deep, under all of his polite demeanor dwells a strong minded and strong willed person. I have seen him win disputes many times over. When confronted he stands tall and does not back down, his speech and arguments are potent and vigorous. He knows when to stand up, and he knows when it's not worth it.

He is the still point in our crazy family of majority females. My mum is the complete opposite of him; loud and vivacious. But that is why I think they work so well together and have been together for over 33 years. They balance each other out. I don't think he knows how much I value him, and how much of a role model he is to me. God knows we have had plenty of arguments, he's had more with me than my other sisters (I blame my stubbornness), but at the end of the day I do look up to him. He's been through so much, especially now. My family has had the most horrible luck in the past few weeks. But I know, that throughout it all, he will stay strong.

- Georgia MacLeod

"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."